You can lose everything and still rebuild yourself.

Thank you for coming back to my blog.

When I first came up with the idea of a blog I had no idea where to start off. I’ve always enjoyed writing my feelings down because it’s helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life. Whether you know me or not, I hope this blog serves you well. You too may be going through a season of uncertainty, and I just want to remind you that you are able to get through anything if you put in the work.

I was hesitant to write this post because I’m not here to offend anyone.

I’m simply giving a story of a time where I pushed through perseverance.

When I write, it comes from a place of healing and grace. I’m no “writer” so you will find errors and mistakes, sorry! 🙈

Someone once told me “You can lose everything and still rebuild yourself” and I began to write down my thoughts.

I will never forget the day I was ripped from my home with my 2 small children. In that moment, the same feelings surfaced what I felt when I was 7 years old. Being ripped from my home and taken away from my mother and father and being placed into my grandmothers care.

This was a complete different situation at the time, though the feeling of uncertainty and abandonment were the exact same.

All of a sudden the words “I’m not in love with you anymore and want a divorce” that once broke me became so little compared to what was happening to my kids and I.

In my defense, I depended on someone for years and that’s where I went wrong. I relied on him to pay the bills while I stayed home to care for our children because that was our agreement. I tried to do the best I could but makeup alone wasn’t going to provide for the kids and I.

“You mean you didn’t have a back up plan just in case something went wrong?” “Girl, no. I never thought this could happen to me and I take full responsibility of that.”

How did I get myself here? What went wrong? Do I take him back? Why is money such an issue? Why am I being told to figure it out now? I asked myself those questions over and over.

When I walked away from that courtroom 4 years ago, I quickly became offended. I refused the 120 child support check that was being ordered to me and had no idea what I was going to do next. I felt like the system failed me and I couldn’t understand why. I was torn and felt so embarrassed.

Not only did I fail in my marriage but I have failed my children in keeping their family together in their home. I couldn’t make my marriage work and everything I thought that was once perfect was broken and taken from me. This was a hard one to swallow. A mother never wants to fail her children.

Have you ever been in difficult situation and asked yourself how come this is happening to me? Where is God?

I felt so alone. Defeated, angry and all sorts of bitterness. Had I taken that money I was once offered a long time ago before I got into this mess, maybe things would have been easier. But i thought my kids were entitled for more, and I hoped for grace. However, it doesn’t always work that way.

I’m not going to lie, I threw a pitty party and even lost faith in God. But you see, God doesn’t let you slip away that easily. He knows what’s best for you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. You just have to trust in him and him alone.

I had to trust that God would make a way for my kids and I.

Tell me a time when you had to trust in a God and how difficult it was for you?

In the midst of trusting God, the kids and I moved around like crazy. I’m blessed for those people who took the kids and I in, I will forever be grateful.

I started to love myself again, stopped being stubborn and figured it out. I hustled more than ever before. I connected with everyone, and I mean everyone. I completed the esthetics program and got certified and made myself a little more official as an artist. 😉

I moved into our own place about a year ago and it has been the best thing for the kids and I.

My drive doesn’t stop here, it’s just the beginning of a new chapter in my life . This season has brought me clarity, wisdom and strength. I’m not perfect by any means. And though at times it can still be rough, I’m more equipped to find a way.

I have so many more dreams and goals and though someone tried to steal that from me years ago, he helped pave the way. The challenges I endured has taught me such a valuable lesson and showed me how strong I truly am.

If you are doubting yourself today, get up now! Love yourself through your struggle and allow time for healing. You are worthy and capable of anything your heart desires. You are strong, resilient and courageous. You’ve held it down for a while now, you can get through this.

Knock me down 8 times and I will get up 9. 💪🏼

Put all your ducks in a row and show yourself you are BOSS. God has given us each a talent, gift and calling and I truly hope you believe in yourself to fulfill it.

If you know someone who is going through a hard time, be kind. We all have stories and battles and some are harder than others. Being kind helps.

If there’s one thing loosing myself so that I can rebuild myself has taught me..it’s taught me to take care of my mind, body, soul and trust the process. If I can do this, so can you!

Proud of you and how far you’ve come. And if you aren’t there yet, keep pressing!

With love, Angelica Marie